How do I get over this breakup? I asked myself this question so many times for such a long time. A year-and-a-half later, sometimes I still ask this question.
I tried everything, for months on-end, but found no magic formula to extinguish the burning hurt and confusion that this breakup left me with. I remember, all-too-often, reading and hearing the phrase, “Time heals all wounds.” I remember thinking that, time be damned, I need to get over this now. I could not last another hour with the pain I was feeling, but I did last.
Time does help, but time alone will not heal your pain after the breakup with a Borderline waif. I am still very reluctant to say I am ‘healed’. What does it mean to be healed? If healing is returning to the same person I was prior to the breakup, or even first meeting my BPD waif, than I am certainly not healed. The person I was, was happy to except scraps of adoration and goodwill, while foregoing the main course of love. I will never be that person again.
If healing does not mean to return to your previous state of being, then what is it really? It took me a long time, longer than the full cycle of my ‘relationship’ with my BPD waif ex girlfriend, to come to a place of acceptance. I believe that healing is no more than accepting things as they are now.
Acceptance eluded me for so long. I searched deep within myself, taking personal inventories, writing journal entries, replaying dialogues and experiences in my mind, and I found no acceptance of things as they were. I searched the outside world, everywhere, to find acceptance, and I did not find it. No matter where I looked, it could not be found. Only recently, I realized that acceptance is not something you find; acceptance finds you.
All of the introspection and soul-searching I did was not wasted effort. I believe these efforts were like drops of water, slowly filling an ocean one drip-drop at-a-time. These efforts were my mind’s way of trying to process non-computational data that made no sense at all. Once my mind tired of trying to find an answer, it slowly gave up the time, effort, and energy it was using to find the answer. It was at this point that acceptance crept in, and I began to heal.