No Contact – The Urge to Contact After Breakup

When I quit smoking some time ago, I went for 14 months without a cigarette.  I was at the point where I pitied those who still smoked.  I’d see the smokers huddled together outside in the freezing cold doing what they had to do to get their nicotine fix.  I felt strong.  I felt good.  I’d walk past them and think of how glad I was that that was not me anymore.  I had done it.  I was a non-smoker.

no contact bpdWithin two months, I was smoking a pack-a-day again…  That was two years ago, and sadly, I am still smoking today; I haven’t built up the courage to face another round of quitting, something that almost seems futile to me now.

What I learned from this, I have applied to my situation with my Borderline Personality Disordered ex-girlfriend.  You see, it is when we feel good, our strongest even, that we are very vulnerable to falling back into old patterns, habits, or addictions.   For some reason, I felt that I could handle the occasional smoke.  After all, I was strong and no longer an addict.  It didn’t work out so well.

As I continue to heal from the BPD experience that spun my world around, I feel stronger and happier than I have in a very long time.  It is in these moments of strength that we can very easily slip up.  I have had the urge to check up on my BPD ex-girlfriend.  Hey, I can handle a quick peek at her Facebook page, no problem.  It would be good for me to test myself and see how far I’ve come.  Wrong.

No matter how strong the urge to break no contact is, I know better.  I don’t need to slip back into the role of addict again.

Comments 25

  • I think I’ve done a successful job at no-contact (beside the cyberstalking). However, I have written countless emails and texts addressed to her that I’ve refrained from sending. The urge to hit the send button is so overwhelming! I’ve stayed strong so far, but I cannot say for sure if it will last much longer. I want to reach out to her so bad!

    • Reego – Thanks for all you input! I wrote so much during that time, countless letters, emails, etc. I never sent them. You are doing the right thing by not sending them. She will not get it. There are no words you can speak or write that will reach her now.

      The practice of writing your feelings out and the things you would say to her is a very good one. Keep at it. I truly believe it helps us to purge these unresolved emotions from our systems, and ultimately speed our healing.

  • I ended my relationship with my ex who lives 6 doors down from me…I see her often and have not said a word for 8 months.. I had broken up with her for 2 months on two seperate occasions… I say this because it is just like an addiction… She is not good for me and I know if I stayed with her I was going to throw her out of a window… Catching her flirting with other guys and gods knows what else, the lying the, emotional blackmail.. And constant drama… It’s summer now, she’s beautiful and its hard not to engage her…. The danger is that I am not sure I could not have her again, she never turned me away in the past… These women are like a chronic infection…

  • I broke up with my borderline about 3 months ago. I still can NOT get her out of my “head”. I think about her all the time! It’s driving me nuts. Just in the last few days, I have been “craving” her – in a sexual ways. This is new or first. These “cravings” are now all the time.

    We only dated for about 9 months.

    I am doing things, that are NOT in my character. Like drinking – I hardly ever drank, before 2 months ago. Now, I am having “black outs”. In the morning, I look at my phone. I have called her, but have not talked to her or even left a message.

    Again, I am going nuts. What can I do? Any helps and/or suggestions?

    • LOD,

      Thanks for stopping in… I was with mine for under a year as well. I was a total mess at 3 months out. I remember thinking about her, the breakup, the relationship, her cheating, her weird behavior, her words, her hair, her scent, the s*x, and everything else in between… I was fixated on nothing but her and the breakup.

      I think this has to do with the state of utter disbelief they leave us in. How could she?! Was she lying the whole time?! We are left in shock. How could the best thing that ever happened to us come to such an abrupt end?

      You are probably reeling with mixed emotions, sleep disturbances, appetite issues, or maybe even panic attacks. Many of these are symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). I highly recommend that if you are having a hard time with this, please meet with a qualified counselor who can guide you through the healing process.

      The best advice I can offer up at this point is to stop the drinking (or limit it); it is only going to make things worse. Letting go is something I’m not sure we can do consciously, but focusing on ourselves is a conscious change we can make. Work to turn your fixation on her to yourself… You need to be your focus now.

      I am now 18 months out (and it did come quicker than I ever thought it would) and I still think about her, but I go days now without doing so, and there are no more difficult emotions tied to those thoughts. At three months out I never thought I would survive without her. Now, meh… she’s no real loss. IT TAKES TIME MY FRIEND! IT WILL GET BETTER, I PROMISE!

      Take care.

      PS… Get more support over at – The folks are great over there…

    • You can get her out of her head because you still hope shes going to come to her senses. For one your stressed out of you mind and you have given her all you power. What you resist persists. You have danced to close to the toxicity and you system is now poisoned your think is flawed.

      The smart observation you have is that this drama is taking place in your head. No where else. That means with a little discipline you can command your mind to stop this endless ruminating, and wish ful thing,, OK look at it this way….she knows…and you cant talk her into anything. You are powerless to change a thing. Its not in your control. Any attempt makes you look weak and foolish. These are the sad facts and they suc.

      So you simply have to except that she gone for good totally, let that go, and KNOW that there will be someone else for you …and thats the truth.

  • Thank you – Freetobe

    I wish, there was a “quick fix” to remove these feelings, thoughts, cravings and etc. Like a “pill” or a button to remove all of this.

    She now is telling people, I am stalking her. Calling her and sending “block texts” (how do you do that?). She is telling people that I am calling from “pay phones” with some “voice scrambler” and leaving her messages.

    She texted me some “going on record… I want NO contact with you”she also said there is a investigation going on – to PROVE I am involved with the stalking. I would think since it’s been almost 3 months – someone (authority type of person – police etc, would have contacted me, by now).

    Then two weeks later, started texting me “I miss you” and other type of text like this.

    this does NOT help with recovering. I do not like that I have to watch everything I do. Because I may need to know where and what I was doing, In case a need proof that I am not stalking here.

    I am seeing a therapist and talking with friends. I am limiting the drinking. I am taking some “meds” – which seem to have been helping. I NO longer feel suicidal (which I was – during the last two months of that relationship and after the break up – for two months after. The last month or so has gotten better; at least the suicidal thoughts, feelings).

    But, even with all of this. I am still craving her. I DO REALLY WANT TO CALL HER. I do really want to go to her house, work or send flowers. But, I HAVE NOT and WILL NOT do any of these things. Who knows, what person I will get (the good one – who would take me back or the bad person who hates me, says I am stalking her, or worst she maybe with someone else (that would kill me)). But again, I just want and really need this to leave my head, heart and etc.

    Again, other than TIME – what can I do? Yes, I am going crazy. Still! Still need help!

  • I can relate to each of you I myself have been there. As of today I have once agian said I can’t do this anymore and asked her not to call me or contact me..Only to open the door again are they that strong and we are that weak to allow put up with it…

    I thought I was the only one dealing with it … But I am by far not the only one which is aweful…

  • Hello AkDude,

    It seems lots of people have this problem. I have not and will NOT – contact her; in anyway. But I just want the “cravings”, “lust”, feelings and etc wanting to call or see her to JUST GO AWAY!!

    I am sick and tired of hearing time will heal you and you will get over her.

    What can I do to make this stop?

    • I’m sick and tired of “time will heal you” I’m 10 months out after being split black and dumped via text. I see this is an old post so I’m wondering if time has helped. I can’t stop wondering how he is and wanting to see him one more time even though I know he is a BPD selfish jerk

  • The feelings that I felt for my ex-BPD were so diffisult to overcome. I was obsessed and all I thought about was her. There were times I could not even think about being with another woman because I did not want to hurt my ex! How crazy is that. You have to remember why we were attracted to these women and allowed the abuse in the first place. It was a direct correlation I experienced with my overbearing mother. I was enmeshed and as I used to prevent my parents from arguing all the time, my mother would come to me for support. All this by the time I was 5 or 6 yrs old. This ingrained a very strong “Caretaker” program in me. This enmeshment along with my tendancy to try to “fix’ things kept me in this dysfunctional relationship longer than a healthy individual would have. I have released myself from her caretaker and knight. She is responsible for her and there are a lot of beautiful and caring women in this world that deserve me more and that I deserve in return. I am at that stage mentioned in this article of feeling strong. I am reminded to stay vigilant and not let down my guard. We were together for 3 1/2 years and had broken up over 400 times I’d imagine. The longest being 4 months. This time has only been 1 1/2 months but I keep thinking of the pain she caused and reading articles about these experiences and it keeps me strong.
    Everyone readin this article need to take an unobjective evaluation of themselves and why they allowed this type of relationship into their live. We are all very similar and my background probably resonates with many of you. You must realize that you are not responsible for your ex/s feeling any longer. You really never were. You were just convinced that you were. You must also honor your feeling and persue your own happiness. Something that would have been impossible in that toxic relationship we have just untangled.

  • I don’t hink time does heal the wounds unless we are doing something to actively move on. I used to have desires to call or email or write letters, but I already did all those things and to no avail. They do not have the same sense of duty and responsibility–or responsiveness to others emotional needs. There is no empathy so do not expect them to show any. I was married for a year and then she just dissapeared. I am sitting here afte three onths holding the bag. She vanished and painted me black as an emotional abuser and told everyone she was afrtaid of me. There is no reasoning with these people. Shari Schrieber and her website is loaded with the best articles I have ever seen on bpf females and relationships. I highly suggest reading them. Especially, “Borderline waifs and nsung heroes” “At any cost” and “Shell shocked.” These people are not capable of the love and attachments they crave. It is a short circuit of the hard wiring that as I get farther away form, is more apparent to me. We are all better off and their leaving has truly done us a favor. Pianful, yes and excruciatingly so. But, it was neve real to them in the begining anyway. I see my wife as a 6 yr old at her dance recital when I think of our wedding. It is crazy. Do not go back to that deep dark worm hole of emotional insatiability and blame. I filed for divorce a month or so ago and asked herr ot move out and it was the best thing I ever did. I do get lonely, and I do desire comfort and companionship, but working with a therapist, talking with family and friends all helps me to flush he rout of my system so I can regain my previous person who was fun and confident and outgoing. Time alone will not get us there is my point. We have to actively engage change.

  • Hmmmm…well, I am going through the process now. I have married her twice and she has left again. We have a six year old son…he is with me. It is hard to not have contact…she is still in my thoughts all of the time. I will tell the story. I was entering my last semester of college…I had a relationship end and my mentoring grandmother die within a couple of months of each other. I spent a few months healing and started seeing a very nice girl. A friend brought a girl over to my home to hang out. She had a sorrowful glow about her. I am an artist and she was visually amazing to me…it may just be the glow of a BDP. I am a sensitive and compassionate person and I was full of dreams for my future. We had a moment in which I was picking out a CD…I stopped and asked what she wanted to hear. My finger was on the CD she chose…hmmm, was it a sign? I talked about her and analyzed her depth of problems accurately(so she said). The next day I received a call from her and she said she had left her sweatshirt at my house. She came to get it and my life was never the same. She was very intense and was sexually pulsating. We had a passionate kissing session and she left. She came back the next day and was in my world. We went to a Chinese restaurant and got the same fortune cookie.
    I had several close friends who would come over and hang out. within a few weeks she moved in(because of her horrible situation at home) and my friends were pushed away. I graduated but went from a humanities award winner with hopes of moving to Chicago for grad school to a husband with a house full of cats and dogs(which I am allergic to. I had lost my sense of purpose and my life revolved around her chaos and mine. Due to this intense emotional changeability, we(nons) seem to lose our since of time and direction. S*x is a tool…it started to be withheld often and then there was no s*x. On our second anniversary she left me a four page letter that explained it was her fault. I tried everything to get her back. She would come by my work in the morning to terrorize me(at least that is what it did). On one occasion…she said we could never go back…I could tell that she cheated on me. She came by one more night and made out with me on the bed. Coldly said, “That was good…we’ll see” and left. That was it. My father brought a U-haul and moved me to his home. I drank like a fish and blacked out as often as possible. I called once in awhile and would get that she was happy. I was miserable. I moved to a larger town with my brother and got a job waiting tables…it was perfect…fast cash and a bar…mind you, I was so emotionally destroyed that I could not handle being touched. This is four months later.
    I started to be able to feel the touch and energy of other women. They were, of course, just raw bar girls but it helped. I called one more time and she said she had a boyfriend…I asked if it was a certain person and she said yes. He was moving in before she left. I finally started to see a girl that I was interested in. The intimacy was great and she was in to me. No drama. Just healthy interaction. Then came the call…I wasn’t home but I called her back as soon as I got home. I can’t really remember that call but she drove through the night and was at my house at six in the morning. The cycle began again. All my new friends were gone and my brother and I had a major rift and we got our own place. She wanted to do this right. We had a son. The cycle was there and I think I retained enough of myself this time to take care of my needs. I had on opportunity to go to grad school and so we moved again. This time, it was in with my father(He is seventy and lives in a four bedroom by himself…only home four days a week). She was unable to fully consume me. My father told her not to talk to me so harshly once. She never did in front of him. The push-pull is so subtle that it is terrorizing. She consumed our son emotionally for his first three years and then he started to seek my attention. She immediately needed something…a new baby, house, job, car. Mind you, the reason we stayed at my fathers is because my credit was destroyed from the first time. I methodically was working on it and right now I can get a good mortgage. I have a good job that pays well.
    She started to demand and complain constantly until I could not take anymore. She was so keen to my emotional state that she knew that I was at my wits end. She looked at me almost with a smile and said, “I’m not happy.” I got mad and said, “What, do you want a divorce.” Of course, I said I didn’t. I cried, she comforted me but it didn’t change. The next week she went to her hometown and came dragging back. I never looked at her history on the computer but I did. She had been looking for jobs in her hometown and talking to a guy for a couple of months. We had another argument and told her to just go to her hometown. She said she wouldn’t without our son and I finally gave in. He is six and started Kindergarten in three weeks. I called her in the morning and asked her to come back and go to counseling. She forcefully said she wanted a divorce…this had been threatened for two-three years now. I said I loved her and din’t want this…she said to let her think about it. An hour later I get a call that she has made up her mind. This has gone on for a month and now I have our son and he is in school and she is happier than ever and has a new “friend”. The guy from two-three months ago. Anyway, she is using me for the push-pull and clinging to the new guy. I have a NC now and have cut-off personal text/e-mail. Only about our son. I know that this a garbled mess but so is my brain. If you got out before a child…take it as a gift and be thankful…love yourself and learn to appreciate everything about you…your dreams, thoughts, nightmares and your life…because it is yours.

    • Rock on brother!
      You got out!
      Keep your head up- your son will thank you for it one day!
      Once he turns 18 NEVER talk to that woman again!

  • They almost seem to have a supernatural power, like a psychic vampire. I never even met my BPD – it was all on Facebook. Yet she appears in my dreams, and after she writes sexually-charged emails, I can almost literally feel my privates being sucked into hers! I never had this with any other woman. I read on another site how they need a “host” to complete them, kind of like a vampire. It makes sense…

  • Hey,

    I was dating my girlfriend 4 1/2 years. During the relationship she took up all my time. I lost all of my friends, but so did she, we were all each other had. Over the last 5 months I started to see her less and less because University was really busy for her, he has strict parents, she studies a lot. I went from seeing her every single day to once or twice a week, but I was still okay with that, I loved her a lot.

    2 months ago she broke up with me, saying school had taken over her life, she didnt see a future with us because her parents wouldn’t accept me because I’m not muslim, like them. 2 weeks later she has a new guy.. I couldn’t take it, I moved across the country back home. she texts me saying he was a huge rebound and shes sorry, but she says shes changed and likes being single. I think about her everyday, I miss her so much. I only seem to think of the good times. I text her everyday, even though i know i shoudn’t. Its hard because she was all i had for 4 years, now she has a bunch of friends and is really happy and im miserable, I forget what its life to make friends, I dont even want friends, I want someone like her..

    just wanted to tell someone…

  • I know just how you feel. Am in a very similar position. Only thing is i a trying to get away t other side of the world but facing lots of obstacles. Meanwhile she moved on with someone immediately (am sure there was a big overlap). Supported her with so much and now im like something she has just wiped off her shoe. Hang in there.

    • I have also been there and know the feeling. My Waif BPD ex-girlfriend got rid of me in a split second after a 4 years relationship. At the time she was “dating” her boss on my back. She wanted a promotion and did not hesitate to seduce her married boss.

      Since she is not the sharpest knife on the drawer, It was sort of easy to discover the overlap. I was caught completely by disbelief. I never expected it and I never thought she was the type. I obviously confronted her and she obviously denied even though I had written proof of the events. The she treated me was completely inhumane. It looked like I was dealing with someone that I had never meet.

      I went completely NC for 9 months. Since I had no closure, I looked for professional help and discovered BPD. Guess what? I was her…the waif description was her. During the NC period, I thought about her every single day. I would wake up and the first thing on my mind would be her. After 9 months, we met by coincidence in a restaurant. I acknowledged her presence and she started to cry. She asked me if we could talk and I said sure but not today. We had dinner the day after and ended up going to bed. In the middle of it, her current boyfriend called and she talked to him without any shyness…I imagined how many times I played the guy at the other end of that phone…

      I clearly realized that she indeed had no values…I saw her three more times and could see clearly her BPD features. After that, I realized that what I missed about her never really existed. They completely empty and as a chameleon will change colors to merge with the environment.

      I went back to NC but do not regret seeing her. I was good because it allowed me to see who she really is. It allowed me to get my closure. Ask yourself: Do you miss the person or the relationship? Just don’t forget that they were both fake.

  • I am so glad I found this Forum, after I read a lot of the entires I went and researched BPD online. I now know that I dated someone with BPD. We broke up 6 months ago and NC started a little over two months ago. While I was researching I got the chills the hair on the back of my neck and arms stood up. I couldn’t believe how the research & everyone’s stories and posts we almost exactly the same. Without knowing about BPD I knew I could never get closure from her, but honestly finding this Forum and learning about BPD feels like clossure to me. The only thing I never saw her do or threaten was physical harm to herself. Because people with BPD cannot take responsibility for their actions and she’s never wrong I don’t see her reaching out to me again. She did reach out about 42 days ago but told me not to reply, she wanted to let me know about a good deal on some concert tickets and that I should call the box office and tell them what she texted me to get the deal. I broke NC only that once and it was to telll her that my phone carrier wants to charge me $5.00 per month to be able to block up to 30 phone #’s but I find that extreme bc there’s only 1 # I want blocked. Please don’t ever contact me again. So far it’s worked and she really is Black and White, I used to think it was pride but it’s the BPD. I don’t think she’ll ever contact me again and obviously knowing what I know now is a very good thing. I couldn’t believe how fast she was in another relationshonship though, She started dating as soon as we seperated some scumbag ex con that did floor work for a friend of mine, he told my friend he does steroids all the time, and was an ex drug addict spent several years in prison. All the while she was saying she would work with me to get back together. She was telling her friends that I was harrassing her though, it wasn’t until she blocked me on FB that I went back and loooked at at the emails and texts, they were all from me, she would call me after every one but never reply to the emails or texts. Who the thinks like that, it made me sick to my stomach. Still does. I really count my blessings that I am doing and feeling so much better. I have to be honest though after finding out of BPD it has made me reflect more and think about the relationship more than I would have liked to, but in the end, as I stated knowing about this is like closure.

  • I’ve found this website such a help to read and can relate to many of the postings. On the subject of no contact; i feel i have failed to date. In moments of perhaps forgetting and not accepting what I was REALLY dealing with, with my uBPD ex – i kept trying to contact him. I have sent him in the past year, maybe 2 or 3 emails – just asking how he was and expressing that i’m always here if he ever wants to talk.

    Needless to say, i have never received a reply. He surgically removed me from his life, with the most jagged tools her could find. the story is the same as all the others, blissfully happy until one day out of the blue he left and never looked back.

    I am in a much better place these days. I have accepted what has happened, and i know there is no going back. However, in an effort to find the closure i always wanted, i clung on to the hope that at some point i would hear from him. Perhaps if i approached it this way or that way etc etc etc – he might just respond. But no, nothing.

    I want to move on now, but i can’t seem to escape this haunting feeling that it is not the end. I feel in my bones he will appear one day when i least expect it. Its a strange feeling in my bones which i can’t seem to escape. I guess my contacting him has been an effort to try and get that day over and done with so that I can move on.

    Sounds crazy doesn’t it. But its like i need some validation that he did actually exist. And DOES actually remember me and know who i am. Right now i feel like i am holding onto the memories for the both of us, beacause he seems incapable of remembering or respecting our time together.

    • You don’t need validation that he actually did exist, you need him to validate that you actually existed to him. Find validation within, not from without. Your feeling was accurate, as I had the same one (the feeling in my bones that my xBPD will appear one day when I least expect it), and I know many other people who have as well. I have no doubt he remembers who you are, he just allow himself to care because if he allowed himself to care he would then have to allow himself to be accountable for his negative actions- this accountability is something his voided emotional reality won’t allow because it knows it would crush his ego which is the only thing that allows him to get through the day. To a BPD ‘no ego’ = no ‘self’ and ‘no self’ = death. So, no, he’s not going to acknowledge you or your pain because if he did he’d be one step closer to the grave. It is a massive coping mechanism for a BPD individual. From what I’ve read here you seem like a bright person- so, shine the light more on you and less on him.

    • OMG! Your statement is so uncanny! I was painted black by my BPD (not officially diagnosed but I am assuming) back in August 2016. We had an argument, he told me that we had no reason to ever speak again, and he hung up in my face. I later learned that he blocked my number. After that, I attempted contact twice by going over his house. Each time he told me to work on me and that he was giving me a year to get myself together – the nerve. The last time I saw him was the end of September. I asked him if he would unblock my number. He said that he was not ready. I asked if we would ever be at least friends and he said he did not know. Before leaving, I asked for a hug. He said no. I got in my car, waved as I drove off, and did not look back. However, as I was driving off, he just stared at me with a blank look. I have not tried to contact him since. But he still talks to my adult son. My son has said that he asks about me from time to time. Now, I fight the urge to contact him since he owes me money. I fear contacting him because although I assumed that he had someone else, I don’t know. I just don’t know how I would handle finding out things that I probably rather not so I remain no contact. But I feel his presence in my soul! It’s like he is in the shadows, lurking around. I don’t know if he will ever try to contact me. He is VERY stubborn. Also, I blocked him from my phone (don’t do social media) so I don’t know if he has tried to contact me. I just “feel” him. It’s an eerie feeling. A feeling that I wish that I could shake!

    • Yes you are. I watched my BPD Ex remove pictures of her with the then Ex but did stay in contact with him. So I suspect she might take him back in the future. But then again I suspect she may reach out to me again but I told her I know what you are now (a quiet BPD lady) so if she remembers this I should always be black to her now.

  • Felt the same existed absolutely.but how u cherish and remember the them it’s been erased just wasn’t important enough.i called her out we dated two years.i said what’s my middle name and when’s my birthday.she couldn’t answer it shell shocked me but ensured me best friend thought of me as just another person she met in life.i feel bad for her.what a lonely life.poor girl doesn’t u derstand genuine can’t trust a soul.i feel her pain.she can’t trust koherself so she does exactly what she has dealt real care or love.adapting constantly to new people new men.i feel her pain.she was also very evil too me.but she was a very deep person.bad with communicating with words.but occasionally sent message thru music.for a while I felt that time she did say all the people who love me die.that was closure.she hurt anybody who genuinely loved her.poor girl lonely girl I just wanna hold her and cry.doesnt matter.nothing was truly loving she doesn’t even know the feeling were abandoned with.she can’t give something she can’t really receive.i love that girl forever but u gotta live your life.just makes u appreciate the little things that much more.and only way u will start to reinvent yourself is over others like u do her/love yourself for even taking on such a challenge without warning.let it go keep loving and one day that fake love u thought was will eventually become real.just not with the BPD.i all pray for her.its not her fault it’s wasn’t her fault

    • Hey Micheal your comment is spot on it sounds like you have given yourself closure. That’s what I’ve been trying to do. It’s only been a week since the last breakup, and I mean it has to be the last. The abuse really escalated over the last few breakups ending with the police involved again, suicide threats and it got physical. Now a smear campaign. But I feel like the people on the web who have so much hate for them don’t have closure. Their very very sick but you can’t hate them for that. Just feel sorry for them which I suspect what actually got u involved with them in the first place. Stay strong stay NC. They can never love a person they can never trust another human being. Their in constant pain you can’t help them no one can. Mine made it impossible to be in a relationship with him anymore. He basically and literally chased me away , with a knife. He hates himself and if I behaved that way I guess I would to. But by projecting everything on to me he could never change. That’s how it works their defense mechanism keeps them sick. I’ve been hitting the gym everyday for a month I love it. Busy at work, trying to see old friends now that I’m a free man again lol stay no contact. I realized in therapy everytime I break nc were back together the next day. So I’ll have to do to be rid of him for good is to never respond. He can text from other numbers I just keep blocking him. He fb my mom and sister something horrible. No response ever!! Fb someone I do work for and tried to smear me. No response. I think about him all the time but in reality I’ve been trying to get out for a yr. as long as I never respond I’ll be good. He’ll destroy everything he touches the whole time he’s here. He doesn’t need to be in my life anymore. Being in a gay relationship might be easier. I always feel bad for the guys on here who were married or kids with one. Stay nc move on meet someone real

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