I suppose I’ve felt it coming on for some time now, but I really didn’t think I would do it.
It’s been just over one year since the last time I took a peek at my Borderline Personality Disordered ex-girlfriend’s Facebook profile. As part of going complete no contact (NC), I knew I had to stop checking her Facebook. The breakup of our relationship left me heartbroken and looking for answers.
You may not be familiar with the term ‘hoovering’ or, the ‘hoover’ (pronounced and named after the vacuum). A hoover is when your Borderline ex makes an attempt to draw you back into the cycle (relationship) with them. Remember, you were once a source for them, and in difficulty, they may come back to you looking for more (sometimes a very long time after the relationship has ended). A self-hoover is when you break no contact or nc, and contact or check-up on your Borderline Disordered ex. That’s what I did.
The only way to make any progress in healing from such a difficult breakup is to remove every trace of them from your life and focus on yourself. Constantly checking my ex-girlfriend’s Facebook account to see what she’s up to, if she has new friends, or if she has started dating someone else is not only juvenile, it is quite masochistic. I needed to move on. No longer trying to find out about her and what was going on in her life allowed me to do that.
Oddly, for whatever reason, after one year of not checking up on her, yesterday I self-hoovered. I logged into my Facebook account and looked her up. She hadn’t blocked me, but I could no longer see her wall postings (probably a good thing). I suppose I was a bit shocked to see that very little had changed. She had pretty much the same friends listed and hadn’t even changed her profile picture. There was no clear indication that she was involved with anyone else either.
What did I learn by self-hoovering? I learned that I’ve healed quite a bit. It seemed very odd for me – familiar, but odd. I did not feel the slightest bit of hurt or upset. I did miss her, but not terribly so. I have moved on, far from where I was just a little over one year ago. I suppose the lack of any significant information, such as her getting married or the like, may have resulted in some pain for me. I’m going back to no contact; no more trips down memory lane for me. I guess I was lucky this time, not all self-hoovers end so well.