In some of my future posts I will describe my relationship with a woman having Borderline Personality Disorder or BPD. It seems that one of the major characteristics of a person having BPD is rage and outwardly-directed anger. This is not always the case.
A less common, but equally insidious Borderline personality type is the waif. Waif’s are rarely diagnosed by a therapist because, much like many borderlines, they do not actively seek therapy. Also, because they are not know to rage openly, it is harder for those around them to identify their disorder. It is usually only those who are very close to the waif (somewhat intimately) that will usually know there is a problem and the person needs treatment.
Below are some of the characteristics and qualities associated with the Borderline Waif.
- The Waif often does not rage externally. They do not lash out and put you down like other Borderlines. Instead, their rage is held or directed inside.
- The Borderline Waif is often very feminine, and demure.
- They often display an immature nature or speak in a youthful voice
- The Borderline Waif is often a high-functioning Borderline. They have professional careers and perform well there.
- They have an incredible ability to put on a happy, fun front socially, keeping their true self hidden from social and professional acquaintances.
- They play the victim role well. They appear in need of your help and often are readily accepting the help and assistance from others, but still seeing themselves as independent.
- They are very sexual and often move very quickly into sexual situations.
- They do not accept responsibility and rarely if ever are they the source of their life’s troubles.
- They are usually highly-intelligent.
- They are a thing of beauty and rely on their beauty as a tool to get what they want.
- In the beginning of the relationship, they will make you feel like the best person in the world in their eyes.
- The Borderline Waif will often become VERY clingy and display jealousy.
- The Waif will often abandon you when they fear you will leave them. Like most Borderlines, they are terrified of abandonment.
- The Waif will often be a sad, empty individual who pops in and out of depression.
- You will feel a constant push / pull dynamic in the relationship.
- You may know very little about them, as they guard themselves and their intimate feelings. When you look at the relationship, you may realize it is very surface-level.
- The Waif Borderline may have a history of being in therapy for depression or bipolar disorder.
Remember, these are generalized characteristics of the Borderline Waif. No two will be exactly alike. If you notice these behaviors and other red flags, be on guard.
To learn more, I HIGHLY recommend the book ‘Stop Walking On Eggshells’. I have learned a great deal from this book and it made sense of much of my experience with a person having Borderline Personality Disorder.