The Borderline Waif Personality

In some of my future posts I will describe my relationship with a woman having Borderline Personality Disorder or BPD. It seems that one of the major characteristics of a person having BPD is rage and outwardly-directed anger. This is not always the case.

A less common, but equally insidious Borderline personality type is the waif.  Waif’s are rarely diagnosed by a therapist because, much like many borderlines, they do not actively seek therapy.  Also, because they are not know to rage openly, it is harder for those around them to identify their disorder.  It is usually only those who are very close to the waif (somewhat intimately) that will usually know there is a problem and the person needs treatment.

Below are some of the characteristics and qualities associated with the Borderline Waif.

  • The Waif often does not rage externally. They do not lash out and put you down like other Borderlines. Instead, their rage is held or directed inside.
  • The Borderline Waif is often very feminine, and demure.
  • They often display an immature nature or speak in a youthful voice
  • The Borderline Waif is often a high-functioning Borderline. They have professional careers and perform well there.
  • They have an incredible ability to put on a happy, fun front socially, keeping their true self hidden from social and professional acquaintances.
  • They play the victim role well. They appear in need of your help and often are readily accepting the help and assistance from others, but still seeing themselves as independent.
  • They are very sexual and often move very quickly into sexual situations.
  • They do not accept responsibility and rarely if ever are they the source of their life’s troubles.
  • They are usually highly-intelligent.
  • They are a thing of beauty and rely on their beauty as a tool to get what they want.
  • In the beginning of the relationship, they will make you feel like the best person in the world in their eyes.
  • The Borderline Waif will often become VERY clingy and display jealousy.
  • The Waif will often abandon you when they fear you will leave them. Like most Borderlines, they are terrified of abandonment.
  • The Waif will often be a sad, empty individual who pops in and out of depression.
  • You will feel a constant push / pull dynamic in the relationship.
  • You may know very little about them, as they guard themselves and their intimate feelings. When you look at the relationship, you may realize it is very surface-level.
  • The Waif Borderline may have a history of being in therapy for depression or bipolar disorder.

Remember, these are generalized characteristics of the Borderline Waif. No two will be exactly alike. If you notice these behaviors and other red flags, be on guard.
To learn more, I HIGHLY recommend the book ‘Stop Walking On Eggshells’. I have learned a great deal from this book and it made sense of much of my experience with a person having Borderline Personality Disorder.

Comments 3

  • “my waif” did outwardly show her RAGE bigtime- shes borderline and bipolar-she told me @ the beginning of our 6mnth relationship she had these disorders-this is so they can say -“i told ya so”- yet i knew nothing about them other than one other person who is a guy whos basically just an a-hole-she seemed so nice and sweet-3 break ups later do to her RAGE-w/ the im sorry i love you-wanna marry you b.s i fell for it until she totally morphed-two days after final break up she calls me and says snarkly that i gave you herpes so wrap it up-i dont have it-if i did im sure my pstd would be thru the roof-i got lucky or shes full of it-either way thats not not something you discuss over the phone-that night cop knocks on door says she says i raped her on our 1st nite together- she moved in right away pretty much-and gave him the date-i told him i have an email from next day saying she had a great night and to call her-i did ooopps-thank god for the internet-years ago im sure id be locked up as im sure many men are for some bpd waifs or non waifs lies-cop said hes not gonna charge me as they know of her -im like wtf-showed him email anyhow-never saw any of this comin as i was always gentle which is as you should treat a waif and never forced her and she knows it-she changed into someone id never associate w/-and we’re hippys-she goes to rainbow gatherings and says sparkle sparkle peace love and light-ive spent 10 yrs on the road w/ the grateful dead craziness-but this was way outta of this world-i guess there a difference between fun crazy and bpd crazy-i swear her whole face/body/voice changed in front of me in a moment–but yea she was a waif who changed into the opposite of that w/ a quickness right in front of me-eeghh but also shed rage and then waif–i let it slide usually- no ones perfect- yea little did know how true that statement is now!she had the crazy eyes and never smiled in photos-remember as far as the great s*x everyone talks about-we were half of it so it was us not them that should get the credit for the great s*x-i thought it was love when it was more of a trap/ or tool used by her-thanx so much for for this web site-if not for internet sites likes this i would of lost my mind-amazing that the stories are so similar-why are diagnosed psychopaths -as the new DSM is going to label them-allowed to walk amongst us?-its by far the most crazy scary weird thing ive ever been thru-it theres millions of “them”-i wish i could go back and video tape it all-how do these people set out to destroy lives and accomplish it?do they set out to do it?mine seemed to looking back-how many nice men can i try to ruin-or does it just happen w/ them-?never thought id get ptsd from a girlfriend/person i luved -from what she told me she cant go back to florida because of “things “shes done”-i didnt get it- at first-ive read many post of others on this site and others and @ times im like-i bet thats her-theres more to the story but ill save it for other post-my best to yall

  • never thought id be writing this about her on valentines day!

  • This is almost a perfect description of a woman I saw briefly a while ago. She had a childike vulnerability and abandonment issues. She told me she wanted me to take care of her forever. She was very pretty and looked much younger than her actual age, which led to some Daddy/baby girl play. Our first date consistently almost entirely of s*x, and it was total fantasy-fulfillment s*x, some of the most exciting s*x I have ever had. And then she immediately dropped me because she couldn’t handle the intimacy, which she herself had helped create by making me feel like the most wonderful man she had ever met, so different from her abusive exes.

    And of course I am now at the stage where I’m trying to figure out how to win her back… someone stop me!!

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