This is my first post in what will be a series dedicated to the subject of Borderline Personality Disorder (or BPD). As the title of this post states, my ex-girlfriend has BPD. If you are not familiar with the disorder, I earnestly suggest you read the DSM-IV description and diagnosis criteria. After reading the DSM info, you have a decent baseline overview of the disorder, but as I have found through experience and further research, there is so much more to it than what is presented in the ‘textbook’ DSM overview.
My motivation in writing about this subject is twofold. First, I hope that writing about my experience with someone having BPD will advance my healing. Second, I hope you will learn something about this nasty disorder that may prevent you from having to endure the pain that I have endured.
You may be wondering why I would ever consider dating someone with this disorder; I didn’t even know of Borderline Personality Disorder until three months after we broke up. Had I known of the disorder prior, I NEVER would have allowed myself to endure the abuse I did. For nearly a year, that is what I endured, both mental and emotional abuse unlike any I’d ever experienced in my life. My nasty, year-long divorce was a cake-walk in comparison.
Do I feel like a victim? Yes, and no. It was my job to protect myself, and I failed myself. There were clear warning signs – RED FLAGS – very early on. I recognized them as such too, but disregarded them. I pushed them away, or discounted them for what they really were for a few reasons. First, the good felt soooo good. Second, I lacked the self-confidence and boundaries required to thwart the onslaught of questionable behaviors I witnessed in her. Third, I let my penis do too much of the thinking.
If you know about this disorder, you probably already have a good understanding of what I am talking about. If you are not familiar with BPD, I hope you will stay tuned-in to the coming posts. Hopefully you can learn from my experience. If some of what I have written today doesn’t seem completely clear, I will provide more background in the coming posts that should help.