Saw the Borderline Waif Ex Girlfriend, Minor Setback

It has been over a year since I have seen my Borderline Waif ex girlfriend (nearly 15-months now).  I suppose the title of this post isn’t entirely accurate…  I didn’t actually see my ex girlfriend, but I did see her car.  I can’t believe something like this hasn’t happened in the past 15 months; we only live about 20 minutes away from each other and frequent many of the same places.

This was a completely random coincidence it seems.  I had just dropped my child off at a sleepover party (this was in a town at least 30 minutes away from both my home and my ex’s).   I was heading back home and pulled into the left-hand turn lane at a major intersection and there, two cars up next to me in the other turn lane was her car; we were both making the same left heading in the same direction.  I could not see her, not even a silhouette of her, but I knew it was her car.

In an instant, I felt a rush of anxiety and sadness.  It shocked the hell out of me that after all this time, and as far as I have come, that I would have such an intense reaction to the situation.  As I waited for the green arrow, my mind was already whirling with numerous fantasy-land scenarios and questions.  Should I stay back to be sure she doesn’t see me?  Should I make an immediate turn off and avoid the possibility of her seeing me?  Should I drive up next to her and glace over?  Would she see me and want me back?  How could she just be driving along – getting on with life as if I never existed?  Amazing.

My stomach was in knots.  I felt like crying, something I have not done on her account in many, many months.  The feeling would stay with me for the rest of the day…

What happened next, was almost poetic in the statement it made to me.  As the light turned green, she immediately made a u-turn and headed back the way from which we had come and I continued on where I was going (completing the left turn).  What a statement it made, very symbolic of the Borderline and my situation indeed…

She was returning somewhere she had already been, as she has always done.  She will once again be back in the same place, making the same moves.  I, though rattled, was continuing on as planned without her.

Comments 6

  • I had a similar experience, and similar thoughts. Thanks for sharing this. I still think I see her very distinctive car in the mirror from time to time. It says something about what an effect it all had on my mind. I also wonder how she can just go on, but then I remember that she is not like me. She is empty inside, and loses “object constancy” towards me when I am not around. Intellectually I get it. But the old emotions still surface.

    • TMC – Thanks for sharing… I had the same question when I saw her driving: How can she go on with her everyday life like it meant nothing? I guess we all go on and we really don’t know what is going on in their heads. I don’t think we really want to know either.

  • I thank you for making this blog and sharing your experiences.

    I can totally relate you the emotions and feelings you get, as they all come rushing back. 15 months is a very long time. I have been out of my BPD relationship for 6.5 months. Unfortunately, we worked together in the same room until I quit 1 month ago. But every single day when I came into the office, I got that rush of anxiety. It was very painful for me to have to be in her presence, while maintaining no-contact.

    Reading through your website, everything you say is spot-on. I could write a book and probably talk with you for hours about our experiences, but I feel like too much thinking about it will hinder my ability to move on. It REALLY sucks.

  • I wanted to know what she did. What were the things that she did that hurt you so bad? I was looking for confirmation of specific behaviors. I have an ex that mirrored.

  • I feel for you, but I can’t help but think you’re looking into things here.
    Who is the sick one here?
    Are you being honest with yourself or blaming everything on this one you say is Borderline?

  • “Nicki” id probably the bloggers X

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